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Friday, November 30, 2012

Christmas Porn


Okay, it caught up with me.
 and yesterday, I saw the doctor and napped.
That was pretty much it.
 But the season waits for no one and nothing.
I'm amassing tools and implements of destruction as we speak,
and crafting will happen.
The family is actually excited to be home all weekend to drink hot cider
while we deck every surface in sight.
We have tons of gifts to make and gather too.
Basically, we promise to make up for a little lost time starting Monday,
and NOTHING will run you over $10.
In the meantime, let's kick off the melee in my favorite way.
How about some porn?
For those of you with a crush on amped up shades of red and green,
this clustered ornament spill filled in with ribbon could be easily  recreated
after a run to The Dollar Tree.
 THAT bow, that very one, was at Dollar General yesterday for $3.
Spray paint, glitter, some sticks from the yard, a tube of shatterproof balls,
and it is ON.
 Avoid the boutiques and raid the garbage and the yard.
 I'm SO tempted to make a "something's fishy" pun here.
If I do, can I blame it on the pain meds?
 This is such a great grandparent gift, I may have The Minions 
do this for my Dad and his wife anyway.
I will, of course, supervise the figures.
 Fast from scraps, no machine required, and oh, the possibilities!
 Too warm for a fire?
It's never too warm for a glow.
 This is a fast and easy stand out...
 
 ...and you can make it for ANY decor!
Frames like this are $3 at Walmart-
are you seeing a spectacular hostess gift idea?
 Quilts and woven textures add up to a cabin look.
Don't believe me?
I'll be proving it in our beachy bedroom.
 Dollar Tree pillars and Goodwill sweaters are the coziest lighting option EVER.
 Glass balls are cheap, and when paired with any vessel
you get riches for pennies.
Mixing with rustic woods makes it shine even more
Suess me up!
You don't need toddlers to love this wacky tower,
just a sense of humor and a badly
behaved inner child.
Mine's a flippin' brat.
 Sure, natural pine cones are nice.
Who said I'm nice?
Baby, I headline the HEADLINE the Naughty List.
 A little gold with your magnolia takes this swag through November and December.
Anyone else for less work?
 Enlarge a monogram on the printer, cut it out of foam core.
and give your entry a very grown up impression.
Foam core board is available at The Dollar Tree of course-
that fits the budget.
 Go carnival!
I love children's baubles and Mardi Gras goodies in my swags.
 My mother prefers a more calm and traditional mix.
Which means I get to play with both this year.
 Almost ANYTHING can be a snowglobe with a jar and lid, tiny trinkets,
and some drug store glycerin.
Just, for God's sake, SEAL the lid.
 Wine bottles get all the attention when you haul them to someone's house.
Sam plays the guitar with his "boys" every other Saturday,
and this week, he'll have this is hand.
 We're going to do some fake gingerbread this week.
It will not look like this.
Don't be cute.
Covered styrofoam balls on painted dowel rods
would brighten the buffet with very little skill or cash.
 Walmart, dollar stores, and discount dungeons galore have these blown glass look alikes
so you can get that over the top traditional shine and still pay the electric bill.
 Slide ornaments on twine and drape.
That's it.
And with the new shatterproof goodies out there, you won't have
drifts of jagged silver glass everywhere.
I really hate that.
 Pins, ribbon loops, and a styrofoam cone.
Yep, you're done.
 Are you in the spirit yet?
Have you already started figuring out what you could make?
"I've got six pickle jars, I can get glycerin while 
I'm picking up Grandma Ethel's rash cream!"
 That's thinking ahead!
Now let's get busy.
And remember, it's not about the stuff....
...it's about the magic.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Here, Hold These Jumper Cables...


 Hi there, Besties, The Redhead is BACK!
 Number One piece of advice in life right now:
 NEVER throw out that stretchy black velvet lounge outfit, no matter what.
 NEVER.
You may have it dormant in your closet for a decade, but oh yes, it 
will one day seem like a good idea again...
especially if you're suddenly up 30 pounds in 4 days.
I lost 10 yesterday when Sam took me on a doctor-prescribed marathon shopping trudge.
Yo-yo Dieting is officially my specialty now.
But I digress.
You've been subjected to The Feline Overlords this week, and while we do apologize,
we aren't actually sorry.
 In fact, we do this every year.
Yep.
We dress the cats in cute outfits and take pictures.
The good news?
The 12 Days of Catmas always herald easy last minute projects so simple,
these guys could do them
So what do you say we start the season with a roundup of literally DOZENS 
of past goodies to get you going?
Pick one.
They range from quick printables to gifts for 100!
You have no excuse not to have something DONE today.
First, make a grand impression at the door.
This old grapevine wreath got a fresh spritz of paint and then a makeover
that tied it in with the rest of the new decorations.
 
 You don't need a skill level for this one, just a printer.
Whip up some decor or a last minute offering with these stylish downloads.
Anyone else sick of the word "stylish"?
What the Hell does that even mean?
 Teachers, coworkers, your favorite bartender, your friends, your favorite bartender,
the ER staff at your local hospital that knows your family by first names,
your favorite bartender...
well, gifts add up.
Crank out over 100 in one evening for $200 and have alllllll your bases covered!
 Microwaves...they aren't just for soup anymore.
Mix up some Miracle Fudge faster than a five year old can eat his
 way through the contents of a stocking.
 Make sure everyone knows what's waiting on the inside with a mailbox swag cobbled
together from decoration leftovers.
Coordination is a beautiful thing.
 How about a fast and easy craft you'll stick with?
or give away.
Yeah, I know...the "stick with" pun was beneath even me.
 When a ton of your collected treasures are melted, what do you do?
If you're us, you break out the glitter!
 Take a walk through the post-inferno home, when we made everything from scratch.
These get use around here year round!
Chalkboard paint and gaudy plastic equal a great trendy charger
that can sport any name or message.
 Budget a little tight for too many extravagant gifts this year?
Does free work?
These firestarters are nice to give, great to keep, and double as packing filler.
 Keep the beachy spirit alive with a few quick baubles to remind you that Winter
is not forever. Yes, the temperatures will once again rise above 70 degrees.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
 Here's where my fascination with peacocks started,
and these babies stay on the door year round.
 I'm not totally sure what cockles are, but this sewable would warm them nicely.
Our fleecy scarf includes a pocket for a microwaveable warming pack,
and we'll even tell you how to make those!
 Chocolate Gingerbread Cake is one of those scratch recipes that just shouts, "CHRISTMAS!!!"
And since all you do is dust it with powdered sugar, it also shouts, "FOOLPROOF!!!"
Finish off with some little recycled snowmen that will not only glow,
but they'll also capture your children's artistic abilities year after year.

Now, you may have noticed there are tons of bags behind me in the background
of that first photo, and you know what that means...
Project Time!!!
Let's get ready to deck the halls on a budget.
Pull up some non-fat soy nog and let's get started.
 
No huffing the spray paint.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Kittehs Who Does Not Want Presents for Christmas

Oh Hai.

 Welcome to last day of Feline Overlord Clowder Takes Over.
After this, we may have useful things for you.
May.
Might. 
We promise nuffthings.
 The Redhead Woomin with Thumbs came home yesterday 
a record 30 pounds heavier than Friday
She say she losed an organ.
 Looks like she gained something to us.
 We blames The Bald Hoomin- 
he kept sneaking her some Alton Brown cocoa mix stuff
Those looks like building blocks of puffy stuffs to us.
 I iz pleased she iz home.
No one else opens the cans, but she iz so far faking 
inability to do so.
 Well, she's about to see consequences of lack of actions.
 She did open treats though.
Same treats we get every day.
Same treats she passes off as presents.
We at least puts thoughts into where we hacks up presents.
 We now presents:
Kittehs Who Does Not Want 
Presents for Christmas.
Let's face it.
We gets stuff anyway.
 Good behavior not important.

















See you tomorrow.
Bring glitter.